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Facing Myself
I'm In Over My Head 
6th-Dec-2010 05:58 pm
 Sometimes I regret enlisting. This as one of those times.

I was at Drill (yesterday) it was family day and I was anxious as usual. I had a stomach ache but I ignored it, I went through my day listening to briefings. My stomach ache was like a rock in my stomach. I don't know how else to describe it. Then after lunch it started to hurt so bad I couldn't stand, I ended up sitting on the floor. I was in uniform so I couldn't look like a family member and just leave. Then I tried to call my Recruiter and ask him what to do... I didn't know where he was and I didn't know most of the people in charge. He was at his office (aka not there) and said I should go up to Sgt "R" and tell him. I went up to Sgt "R" I got reprimanded for not having a battle buddy. I only stood up straight for 2 minutes but that was all I could do to stand. I went back to the bathroom with my mom and cried. I told her I couldn't do this. Then I did my best to calm down and the other girls tried to help me, one girl went with me to be my battle buddy. I talked to Sgt "R" again and he gave me the same ol' "child talking to an adult when the child should be silent" look. He told me to talk to Sgt "G" so we went up to him then I tried to explain to him but then broke out in tears. He had me (and my battle buddy) do push ups "to compose myself" and told me to go back to the bathroom and figure out what I'm going to do with myself. I called back my recruiter (because he told me to tell him what happened) and he said he would talk to Sgt "G". I'm sure it won't make a difference. Then I had to stand in formation during a promotion which is hard normally but seriously hell when I can barely stand up. I was bent slightly forward and breathing loudly and the girl a row ahead of me in my platoon kept asking me if I was okay but I wasn't. I was sweating off and on like crazy and I was praying to God to pass out. Eventually because I had family I could go. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. My mom kept asking me if I was allowed to leave and I said yes over and over again. Why does she feel the need to ask the same questions over and over again? Finally we got in the car and I convinced her to leave. When I got home I was still very sick. I had to take medicines. It was definitely not a "go work it out situation" my sickness still isn't done running it's course.

I am at a loss. I am so defeated. How do I communicate what I need without getting reprimanded? If I need something how can they ignore it? I needed medicine badly. I do not complain about being sick easily but this time I got it bad and I felt out of control and the symtoms had me by the leash. I braved up and went to "work" anyway. I did my best.

I'm hoping that now that I've written it out (which I am ashamed to write this) it will get out of my head so I can finally sleep without seeing Sgt "R" 's face.
Comments 
6th-Dec-2010 11:08 pm (UTC)
From what I read, it seem like that you went through hell. I don't know much to say since I am not familiar with the military culture. Obviously, you were not ready for that drill.

What do you think was causing the stomach pain?
7th-Dec-2010 12:09 pm (UTC)
I have the stomach flu and bronchitics.
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