Log in

Facing Myself
Recent Entries 
16th-Nov-2010 11:10 am - Some Friends
I have friends on tumblr whom I took to outside of tumblr now on tumblr they're talking and basically I'm out of the conversation this sucks.
15th-Nov-2010 12:58 pm - Why I Should Be Alone.
I've been thinking over this blog entry. I completely agree with what she said here but I find it completely impossible to follow.

Maybe I'm on a high horse here but I have a certain mentality. I want one man to fulfill my needs, such as paying attention to me, sex, providing, etc. I feel most men provide because that's what society and pride tell them to do, they sex because their boners say so, but they don't pay enough attention to me.

I feel that saying men have a pack mentality is a true statement. I really don't remember what was said but a comment that was made to me by a man (a while ago) reassured me of this. 

I feel like whoever pays less attention to the other is the winner.

Even when it comes to my own dog, she ignores me most of the time! It's the most annoying thing ever. I like my cat because if I call her she'll run to me and snuggle me right away (unfortunately I'm allergic).
I constantly stroke my male friends' egos and yet a barely hear a nice word from them anymore. I feel like cutting all of them off and not talking to any of them anymore, they each in their own way make me feel like shit, and looking at them in general makes me see how incompatible I am with any of them.

Maybe because of my personality, and because there's no man who can understand me and tolerate me I should just be alone.

15th-Nov-2010 09:50 am - Solace Photography

The leaves are especially for you.

15th-Nov-2010 09:47 am - Hiatus
I have been ignoring Livejournal for a while. It came with my disappointment I couldn't post with my cell phone.

I am actually considering moving back to Livejournal for the privacy which is much better than Xanga.

My occupation kind of conflicts with my opinions. Basically I'm not allowed to have one, but I don't really know what we're allowed to talk about and not to talk about.

The more I think about it the more I'm convinced Livejournal is a better choice for a diary. :)
20th-Oct-2010 09:33 am - To "Sweetheart"

(this song is touching, it's my song of the day :) )

Some pictures and other tidbits I've collected. I want to show you...


Tehehe you know that's so cute!

Back when I was skinny ;~;

Jackey :)

7th-Jun-2010 05:02 pm - According To Him
Soon I'll be updating about Kodi and I and about Rich too.

To put it in one sentence, Kodi set me free and we still love each other but if it's suppose to work out it's not the right time, and Rich makes me happy. So yeah.

As long as I'm honest about how I feel I believe things will work out the way they're supposed to, whether I'm supposed to be alone or with someone.

If you're a woman or if you have a mom/sister/girlfriend -… | Vwarriormodel25 on Xanga

19th-May-2010 09:48 am - Little Help
I have myself in a bit of a bind. I committed to a job before I had the money to support myself while doing it.

I love Avon the company the brand, just everything. However I didn't realize walking in that I'm not a woman who has the money to invest in it. I didn't realize that I'd need a debit card (or some kind of payment device) to get started. I guess I completely misunderstood.

Well now I am leaving books at people door steps hoping someone calls me back to order from Avon. The only people ordering this campaign are me, and my two aunts. My one aunt ordered breast cancer things but of course I don't make any money from that since it goes to breast cancer. My other aunt only ordered nail polish which is great but I make only 40% so that's not a lot of money for me at all this campaign.

I really don't mean to be a bother but I really need help getting off my feet.

Maybe some men here can buy something nice for their wife, or buy cologne for themselves.

Maybe the women here can find some make up or skin care or if not that then body wash or many fun summer items.

Also please pray (or send good thoughts) that I get the job at Pac Sun I really need a job because I need something to do (lol) and a way to make money to support my beginning with Avon. Plus I don't have a car so that's something I think I'm going to need to put money toward at least the insurance. I also am not sure if I'm getting a laptop, which if I go to college I'll need and if I got into the AF I'll need to stay in touch. I just have so many plans but not enough money to make it all happen.

My AVON website.
I'm sure many people are going to be pissed off about my post. But wait... this post isn't my view on homosexuality and bisexuality. This is not against all non-straight people this is my experience this is my reality. If you don't agree with it it's fine, but it's still true in my life.

In my experience the whole (let's say non-straight group for lack of a better word) non-straight group has started a wave. This humongous tsunami of an this ideal, that homo/bisexuality is okay and everyone should agree and if they don't (and are respectful) they still throw rocks at them. My own friends throw rocks at me for my views no matter how respectful I am. The worst part isn't loosing my voice and my opinion the worst part is losing my claim over my sexuality. For me to say I'm straight is wrong! People TELL ME I'm bi. It's not about me being afraid of ashamed of being bi, cause I'm not bi! Yes (I am a woman by the way) and sometimes I'm attracted to women or think about women. Sorry that doesn't make me bi. Yeah there was a time where I did try to date a girl that was my best friend and she totally crushed me because I had a crush on her then she decided she didn't want to experiment. I admit to these things. However they don't define me. I choose to say I'm either a) straight b) pansexual and even though the definition isn't exactly what it means in slang it's close enough. I love people for who they are not for their sexual parts. I will choose how I will be defined not other people.

I am Erin. I am straight, I have a boyfriend of almost a year who I love, and we don't play gender roles like most couples. I'm happy dating men, especially my current one I want to marry him. I feel that people should accept that.

7th-May-2010 03:22 pm - I'm Too Old For This
I'm 18 years old and a total baby when it comes to relationships.

I'm mushy, and giving, and all I want back is a bit of attention.

I'm not dealing with KD's talking down to me especially when I'm upset or when he's upset with me. If I'm so precious why should I get treated that way? I love this boy, when he cries I cry with him. I give him everything I can, I stop everything on a whim for him and his needs.

I'm not taking it anymore. I'm a woman now I'm trying to find myself a career and a life. It's okay to be boyfriend and girlfriend right now. (He recently reclaimed me as his girlfriend, we separated and I decided to call him my boyfriend since we acted like it anyway).

I am really starting to understand why people have casual sex or put themselves in bad relationships.

What I feel right now is why.

I feel abused and just treated terribly. I don't want to talk to him. When my mind wanders to kissing him (which is usually a thought that makes me smile) I am disgusted. I feel just *done*.

I have enough. I don't care right now. I guess it's like feeling so hurt that you feel numb...

Ironic I suppose.

It comes down the the same few things.
  • I want attention.
  • His family & friends come first.
  • He isn't passionate enough about me to do anything & everything he can to get his butt up here to see me.
I don't want to break up with him. I love him, truly. But I realized I don't feel like rushing. I don't want to marry myself into a situation like this. I'm not sure if I want to get married to him. Maybe we should just be boyfriend & girlfriend forever and I'll do my thing have my career and he'll do his thing and have his career, and we'll see each other when we see each other.
This page was loaded Feb 25th 2017, 2:13 am GMT.